I want to eat!!!!

It is 2:48 in the afternoon and I want to eat!!!  I’d like to tell you that after changing your eating lifestyle you will never have the urge to eat out of any other reason but hunger… but it just isn’t true.  It has gotten easier but has yet to go away.  I’m sitting here… my brain racing, going a million miles per hour…   wanting to shut it up by stuffing my face.  I know it won’t work in the long run but at the moment it is hard to care.  I don’t want to deal with the thoughts running in my mind… I just want to feel happy for a minute and honestly chocolate would definitely help for a minute.

So, here I sit writing this blog, praying that it will keep me from devouring the contents of my kitchen.  I hate it when I feel this way!  It’s a sensation that is difficult to explain… It’s like my emotion is in my throat and if I swallow enough food it will push the emotion down deep enough that I won’t have to feel it… ugg!!!

One of my favorite alternatives to eating is sleeping… well I have to work in an hour so that isn’t an option.  My second choice is exercise but again I have to work in an hour, that’s not enough time to work out and clean up afterwards… ARRRGGGGG   So, I guess I will watch “House” for a few minutes and avoid the kitchen at all costs… wish me luck.

The Embers

When I set out on this journey I set a goal of 50 pounds with hopes of 100.  I am now at 98.8 pounds lost, 1.2 pounds from my original goal… What now?

“What now?” is the question I’ve been asking myself for over a week and unfortunately I don’t know that I’ve found a good answer.   What now... Now I will continue to lose, aiming for another 40 pounds, and that coveted size 8.  BUT, NOW the newness is gone.  That excitement of starting a plan, like playing a game with yourself to see if you can make the pieces fit in the fitness puzzle, is gone.  This once mysterious, thrilling “diet” game is now just my lifestyle.  Perhaps the question I should be asking is “How do I get that excitement back?”

I tell clients the more they come in for support the more they will lose.  I liken it to Church camp.  You know when you were a kid and you would go to camp and come home on fire, feeling invincible? Then as the year progressed, that fire slowly faded with the monotony of everyday life and just when the fire was reduced to glowing embers it was time for camp again.  Just in time, your fire would be renewed.  Now, don’t misunderstand, I am in no way saying WLZ is even close to as important or as powerful as God, but when you are on a journey of any kind you must refuel, for if the fire goes out its hard to restart.

My fire… as hard as it is to admit, is glowing embers.  It is still burning but the blaze is slowly dying.  I’ve lost the thrill of planning my meals, the excitement of each weigh in… now, it is just life.  But I wonder is the “ember” stage really a bad thing? After all that’s when the fire can be most useful.  You don’t cook on an out-of-control blaze, you wait until the fire has died some, then the real cooking begins.  So maybe this journey is entering the most important stage yet.  It’s easy to play a game, especially when you are winning, but to be in it for the long haul is another ballgame.  I’m just entering the big leagues…

“The Big Leagues” I like that...Yep, I think I’m going to like the “ember’s stage”.  That’s “what now”.